something to think

“

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master…”

”

—	Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman’s Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia)

...

quote of the day

"Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are"

what is love ?

one thing lead to another

this morning conversation :

a : i got something to tell you..

k : what is it? tell me

a : well,someone told me that you blablabalbalbalabalbalabalbalblblabalbala

i won’t tell you the rest of it..cause it might caused another “DRAMA”

~ the point is : i’m being judged because of being myself

geez people..give me a break! will you?!

i am what i am,take it or leave it

sometimes people don’t want to compromise.they just set their mind to what they think it might be right without any consideration of other perpective..aarrrggh . They look at you and then that’s it! either you’ll get their heart or you’ll be deleted ASAP! cruel isn’t it? but darling…that’s the truth.

the real world : people look at me and they think : ” mhm.how loud she is! ” ” ahh…she is fat “, “she’s too damn emotional ” etc. and that’s it. close caption. the end. i am out of the picture. but hey, i don’t mind..can’t make everyone love me, right?

but then, i am sensitive,even though i don’t look like a sensitive girl, i took those opinion very seriously. my feelings hurt, though nobody care.

i am not strong as you may think

i am not confident as you may think

i am not always loud as you think

the list can go on and on..

but at some point, you try your best to fit in their mind..just a little..and then you will get to the point where you will say : ” argh..what the hell..i’ve had enough! “

it’s the point where you will stop trying to be someone else to be accepted by them

it will be : ” i will start to be a better person, not for them, but for me “

and yet, there just two option for those people to choose for me :

LOVE ME or HATE ME

it's me

BOLD what applies to you.
Once your finish tag at least 10 people to do the same.

YOURSELF
I would like to change my name. I'm loud. I'm obnoxious. I'm sarcastic. I'm cocky. I have a bad temper. For the most part, I don't like most people. I'm easy to get along with. I like to fight. I have more enemies than friends. I drink coffee. I clean my room daily. My room always looks like a tornado hit it.

APPEARANCE
I'm shorter than 5'2. I wear makeup. I wear a piece of jewelry at all times. I wear contacts. I currently have braces/retainers. I change my hair color often. I either straighten or curl my hair often. I have/want piercings that aren't in my ears. My ears are pierced.

RELATIONSHIPS
I'm in love. I'm scared of being hurt. I've been hurt. An ex has physically abused me at least once. I've been cheated on in a relationship. I've told someone I loved them when I didn't. I've told someone I didn't love them when I did. I've been in love more than three times. I believe in love at first sight.

FRIENDSHIPS
I've gotten a phone call in the last 24 hours from a friend. I've beaten up a friend. I've been in a serious fight with a friend. I can trust at least five people with my life. I'd give my life to save close friends.

CLOTHES
I own a white hoodie. I own at least five pairs of jeans. I own at least ten pairs of shoes. I own a blue jacket. I own a pink jacket. I have at least five belts. I own at least three blue shirts. I own at least one pair of flip flops. I own at least two pairs of sweatpants. I've gone out in public in pajamas. I own at least three hoodies.

EXPERIENCES
I've been on a plane. I've been on a train. I've left the country. I've left the state/province. I've taken a taxi. I've taken a city bus. I've taken a school bus. I've gone bungee jumping. I've made a speech. I've been in some sort of club. I've won an award. I've spent 24 hours on the computer straight. I've been so angry I've punched/kicked a hole in the wall. I've been in a physical fight.

MUSIC
I listen to country music. I listen to pop music. I listen to rap. I listen to techno. I listen to R&B. I listen to punk. I'm one of those people who play songs repeatedly until I hate it. I hate the radio. I download music. I buy CD's.

TELEVISION
I spend at least six hours a day watching television. I watch soap operas daily. I'm in love with Days Of Our Lives. I've seen and love The OC. I've seen and like One Tree Hill. I've seen Popular. I've seen and like Everwood. I've seen and like House. I've seen and like Gilmore Girls. I've seen and liked CSI.

HAIR
I've cut my hair in the past year. I've dyed my hair in the past year. I've been blonde/highlights. I've had black. I've been red/reddish. I've been light brown. I've been orange/highlights. I've been dark brown. I've had streaks. I've had dark purple. I've been blue/green. I've gotten my hair thinned. I use conditioner. I've used Sunsilk. I've used hot oil treatments. I've completely killed my hair. I've had dreadlocks. I've curled my hair. I've straightened my hair. I've ironed my hair.I've braided my hair.

SCHOOL
I've thrown something at a teacher. I've yelled at a teacher. I've been suspended. I've been sent to the principal's office. I've walked out of class. I've skipped an entire day of school. I've skipped a whole month of one certain class. I've failed a test. I've cheated on a test. I've helped someone else cheat on a test.I've failed Art. I've failed P.E. I've failed Math. I've failed Socials. I've failed Science. I've failed another class. A teacher has called my parents. I've been caught skipping.I've been on the A/B honor roll. I've been on effort honor roll

stuck in reverse

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep 
Stuck in reverse.

And the tears come streaming down your face 
When you lose something you can't replace 
When you love someone but it goes to waste 
Could it be worse?

the song repeats over and over in my head.

geez.

i hate this kinda situation.

stuck.

in the middle of nothing.

arrrgghhh.

the main goal was to be a good friend.to listen to all the issues they've had.

but no, somehow i am in it now.

no thank you.

i'll pass.

it's hard enough to have my own kind of problem

i don't need anymore problems.

please people.

don't act so selfish.

consider other people.

like me.her.him.them

we're living in the same planet.

so why don't we try to love together instead killing each other with HATE.

we're grown up.

so you BETTER ACT LIKE IT.

don't be so difficult.

life is hard enough so don't make it worse.

live your life the simplest way

that way you may find the happiness

happiness come from the simplest things

tired

so damn tired

in your consideration : i am just a human

don't forget about that.

it's a fact and human DO make mistakes.

no offense

but

go on now.

stop complaining what has been happening, it's just waste of time

-fin

bad habit

Kamis, 12 Maret 2009
11:23 WIB

Badan terkulai lemas tak berdaya di kursi plastik,
raut muka kusut dengan rambut yang awut2an,
otak mengepul karena terlalu banyak berfikir,
dan mulut terkunci rapat,segan berkata karena letih.

kira-kira itu keadaan aku skrg.
jangan tanya kenapa,karena untuk menceritakan nya terlalu menguras emosi dan tenaga.

malam ini aku letih.
capek.
lemah.

apa mungkin karena aku tidak pernah kuat ?

mencari jawaban untuk pertanyaan itu saja aku malas.
buat apa ? worthless.


kenapa dia begini ? kenapa reaksi nya begitu ? kenapa bisa terjadi ? kapan ? dimana? kamu harus begini, kamu harus begitu, ternyata gini,ternyata gitu,harus bagaimana ?bagaimana hasilnya ? blabalbalabalblabalaalbla

terlalu banyak kata-kata,kalimat-kalimat,suara-suara.

BISING.

aku sudah sampai di suatu tahap dimana aku mencapai titik jenuh.

ya,tepat di sini.

butuh waktu.
butuh jarak.


spasi.



terlihat tidak penting,padahal dia unsur terpenting di setiap kalimat yang kita ucapakan. berkatnya kita dapat menghela napas dan menghirup kembali untuk menyelesaikan kalimat kita.


hal-hal kecil yang selalu manusia lupakan.
kita terlalu fokus akan susatu yang berskala besar.lupa akan fakta bahwa dari hal kecil lah muncul hal yang lebih besar.


manusia lupa.
masih ada yang lebih penting dari saat ini.

manusia lupa.
masih ada esok hari.

manusia lupa.
masih ada kewajiban selain hak.

kita terbiasa menuntut tanpa mau memberi
kita terbiasa mencaci maki tanpa mau dicaci maki
kita terbiasa merusak tanpa mau dirusak
kita terbiasa berbicara tanpa mau mendengar


kapan kita sadar ?

mungkin bukan sekarang.
tapi yang penting,

jangan sampai terlambat.

karena penyesalan selalu datang di paling akhir



-fin

kunci hati

hatiku terkunci.

terkunci dengan rapat oleh gembok2 yang entah dari mana datangnya.
untuk membukanya,kau butuh kunci.

kunci itu hanya satu.unik.tidak ada duanya.
mungkin kunci itu di mata kamu cuma barang rongsokan semata.tapi untuk hatiku itu adalah harta yang tak ternilai harganya.

mungkin kunci itu ada di tangan mu.aku tidak tahu.
dan mungkin kau tidak menyadari.


mungkin kunci itu hilang ditelan waktu,dimensi,jaman

aku tak tahu.




mungkin..
gembok2 itu tak akan terbuka.



terkunci dgn rapat selamanya.



who knows ?



-fin

annoyed

22:51 pm





still awake.





in the sitting position.


listening to jason mraz's " you and i both "

getting freaky crazy.

i'm just TIRED.
GOD DAMN IT !!!

i am soo exhausted.
of all the things that happened at college :(

the drama.the seniors.the assignments.
it just seems not to be over yet.

I WANT IT TO BE OVER.pleaaaaseeeeeeeee

and not to mention.
people with their secrets which they share with me.
no offense people,i appreciate it.

but i am human.with limited capacity in my heart and brain.
and i think, i reach the overlimit.

arggh

stooop telling me how you adored my friends.
I HAD ENOUGH.
i know you like her and you like him and how misserable you are.
geez.

don't you mind to think about me for a second ?!

i am alone
i need someone
i am soooo SICK of being alone.

for god's sake.

it's not easy to be the person who always there and listen to people's stories.

when is MY TIME to tell MY stories?

when?!?!?!



waiting

waiting

waiting



and look what i've got ?!

EMPTINESS.


thank you so much lord.

:(

stuck in reverse

fiuuuh.
it's been a while since i write again in this blog.
i've been busy.haha
believe it or not.

tired.exhausted.sick.annoyed.lonely.


and with all this feelings the weather came to play : rain
all the time.
makes me sick and wet.very very wet.argh :((

almost a month, i worked hard for DANUS.
argh.searching for money for the event that my faculty will held.
an event for the seniors not for us.
you do the math how i feel about that.
hahahaha ;))

my so called LOVE LIFE.hahaha
dry.garink.crispy. hahaaha

nothing's going on

siinnggghhh...............................................................

i felt
heartless
tasteless
deaf
blind

by too much hectic in my life.

maybe i should slow down but how?!?

i am stuck in this traffic of life.
i cannot moce forward either backward.

DAMN.

stuck in reverse